User-Submitted Article

User Submitted Articles | User Posts | Comment On This Article

User-Submitted Article:

Please STOP Saying 'Single Parent' & 'Single Mother'!

Language Matters

Important Notice: We make no guarantee regarding any item herein. We are not liable for any occurrence which may result from using this site. By using this site you agree to all terms. For terms info., click here.

Please STOP Saying 'Single Parent' & 'Single Mother'!

Language Matters

By F.C.

I admit my frustration after always hearing and reading the terms "single parent" and "single mother" as if it's a good thing or somehow heroic. Please stop using these fictitious terms! There is no such thing! It takes a man AND a woman to create a child. No person alive can create a child by themselves. Use of terms such as "single parent" and "single mother" (or "single father") is a gloss over of the terrible tragedy that there is a child being raised who has been deprived of an essential parent and who must suffer the life-long consequences. The unhappy situation of a missing parent may be caused by reasons such as:

1. Being a widow/widower. Most likely the SMALLEST number of so-called 'single parents' fit in this category while average lifespans are normal. Should this be the case, we should use the term "widow" or "widower" to refer to them. That is what they are and those who have become widows or widowers for no fault of their own are generally where our charity should primarily lie. They are not simply 'single parents', they are widows and widowers raising children. [Note: For information concerning death, try here.]

2. Persons fornicating or committing adultery. These sinful situations inherently deprive children of a parent. In fact, both parents have intentionally caused their children to be illegitimate by their actions by engaging in the marital act outside of marriage. They are not 'single parents'. There could NOT be a parent without a man and a woman, so the fact that a child is conceived means there are not 'single parents', but rather fornicators and adulterers who have (selfishly, IMHO) deprived their offspring of a father or a mother by engaging in illicit activity outside of a true & lawful marriage. Again, calling such people 'single parents' is a gloss over of the terrible tragedy that there is an illegitimate child being deprived of an essential parent and who must suffer the life-long consequences. They may be "parenting alone", but they are NOT single parents since it is impossible to become a parent by oneself.

3. Persons who have been abandoned by their spouses. Obviously, such situations are quite unfortunate, but the remaining spouse is not a 'single parent', but rather an 'abandoned parent'. The marriage doesn't end because of abandonment. The element of choice in the situation seems to be implied by the term 'single parent' vs. 'abandoned spouse'. In reality, validly married abandoned spouses are 'abandoned' (or "parenting alone") not 'single'. In such cases, innocent spouses may be entitled to both justice and charity. Likewise for innocent spouses 'temporarily abandoned' due to incarceration or health or other such issues.

4. Women who have been raped. Again, such situations are quite unfortunate (but thankfully, relatively rare), but the woman is in reality a rape survivor not merely a 'single parent'. For privacy reasons (and for the child), she may not want to be called by that term. Maybe she could use another term that doesn't imply that being a 'single parent' was due to her sin or a choice on her part (e.g. "parenting alone").

5. Persons who have 'divorced'. If in a true & lawful marriage, a 'divorce' does not actually dissolve the marriage, even for infidelity or abuse. Rather, there are person(s) who acted inappropriately if they fail to honor their sacred vows. Such unfortunate situations do not, in actual fact, create 'single parents' because neither party is actually single after a 'divorce' (we have Jesus' word on it that no power on earth can dissolve a valid marriage, see Mk. 10:2-12). Again, "parenting alone" might be a better word choice for those who are not living in accordance with their sacred vows.

Words mean things and affect our perceptions. We should use correct words. There can never be a child conceived by a woman alone or by a man alone. There can NEVER be 'single' parents. There are situations where a person is parenting alone, but this means the child has been deprived of his mother or father and must suffer the life-long consequences. The terms "single parent" and "single mother/single father" should not be used. They are all too frequently used in modern culture to hide responsibility for sin, shift the blame for a situation, harm marriage, gloss over the fact that a child is being deprived of his/her parent, or even to seek rewards/benefits. But the fact remains that NO child could have been conceived by a SINGLE parent and all children should inherently be entitled to the love and concern of both parents within a true & lawful marriage. Even Jesus, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, was not denied the presence of His earthly (foster) father, St. Joseph. And of course, note that the Blessed Virgin Mary herself required the Holy Spirit to conceive. She was not a 'single parent' - she conceived by God's will by the power of the Holy Spirit during the bounds of a lawful betrothal (and NOT due to an immoral act) - and it is offensive to hear her called that by some misguided persons.

A person may parent alone (an action), but a person cannot BE a 'single parent'. It will always take BOTH a man and a woman to create a child. BEING a 'single parent' is an IMPOSSIBILITY. NO HUMAN can generate alone. Even if a single person adopts a child and acts in place of that child's biological parents, it is more accurate to speak of "parenting alone" than BEING a single parent. A child requires TWO parents in order to exist. It's a simple biological fact. Calling oneself a 'single parent' seemly denies the reality that the child MUST HAVE two parents - a father AND a mother - in order to exist, even if one parent is (or both parents are), sadly, not present.

Signature: F.C.

Also Try...

Click Link Below To View:

Submit a Comment About this Article ('add post')

Read Comments Regarding this Article (if applicable)

Read Other User-Submitted Articles

Submit Your Own Article

More About User-Submitted Articles

Read User-Submitted Posts

Submit Your Own Post

For Information Related To This Topic Try:

Marriage (Topic Page)

Parenting (Topic Page)

Catholic Men (Topic Page)

Catholic Women (Topic Page)

Catholic Life Section

More Information / Resources:

Click Here For Help => 10,000+ Topics!

Click Here For Thousands of Quotations From Popes, Saints, Scripture, Etc. Categorized By Section

Looking For a Great Catholic Home Page? Try the MCS Daily Digest™ (click here)

Didn't find what you were looking for? Try Here

We make no guarantees regarding any item herein. By using this site you indicate agreement to all terms. For terms information, see "Important Notice" above and click here.

Help | Terms of Use | Other FAQs